im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
