my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
