The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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