Acid is not a monday night drug
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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