listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
