You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
