My hand turned me down
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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