wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
