she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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