I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
