Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
