If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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