Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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