A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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