Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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