So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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