it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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