Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
