Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
