I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
