If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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