You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
