So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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