He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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