JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
