my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
