I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
