I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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