I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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