yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
