If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
