I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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