Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
