how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
