ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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