apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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