he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
