I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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