im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
