He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
