i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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