legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
