After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
