What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will be naked everywhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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