i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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