and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
