I wanna passion pit in your ass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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