You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
