Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
