I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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